HEY Friends!
So I feel like I need to start off by addressing the obvious. Yes, I believe it has been almost exactly a year since I last divulged the current status of our adoption journey, and I honestly can't believe it has ALREADY BEEN ANOTHER YEAR!!!! So nuts.
It is quite ironic that we have now been on and off pursuing a family through adoption for 3 years now. Really, where does the time go? I am just perplexed as to how it hasn't felt even close to 3 years since we dropped off our first application.
I wanted to catch everyone up with where we are and what comes next. Basically, after the home study that Deaconess performed almost a year ago, they sent us a letter (and called us I believe) to let us know that they were excited to say that we were good to move forward with the process and start looking at profiles of kiddos that are currently in the Oklahoma DHS system. I think the first stack they gave me was about 2 inches thick. Every child has a number (similar to prison) and a VERY short blurb about their likes and dislikes. They also include the most blurry, black and white (sometimes color), unrecognizable picture that is pretty much useless. Lindy, our case worker (who is amazing), basically pulled out some of the sibling groups and asked if we wanted to pursue anyone (which basically means she will contact DHS and put our name on those kids and maybe just maybe we will get notified by DHS if DHS feels we would be a good fit. We are so incredibly blessed to go through this journey with Lindy and the rest of the ladies at Deaconess. There is no way I could personally do this if I had to work with DHS directly. It is a very flawed system.
The several months that followed, we were emailed by Deaconess several profiles of kids that Deaconess felt would possibly fit into our criteria, although if you asked me what our criteria would be I wouldn't even be able to tell you except I always wanted 4 kids (any race, mostly any age under 12???14? heck I really don't know, and a sibling group? maybe?). Jeremiah on the other hand has always felt (until very recently) that 2-3 kiddos would suit him just fine. I think he always thought they would be younger (2-4 years), but wasn't against older. So….. as laughable as out criteria may seem, Deaconess has done their best in sending us profiles that we might want to pursue.
There has been about 3 different scenarios that have been on the more challenging side of this journey so far in the last year. The first was a call that we received maybe a few weeks after becoming approved by Deaconess. There was a little boy that was being "re-homed" by his adopted mother and father. He was originally from out of the country, adopted at age 2 into the states by this family, and now at age 8 the family (mostly the mother) decided that their home was not the best "fit" for this young man and now wanted Deaconess to find him a more suitable forever home. The kicker was, that the father and little boy were "waiting" in a hotel room for a new family to step up and take this child off of their hands. I know. I know. This is the world we live in.
The second was a similar "re-homing" issue, except this child was a biological child that was being re-homed by his mother. Both this situation and the previous, Jeremiah didn't feel God leading our family towards either of these two very very sad situations, and although I was more caught up into the need of it all, I truly was extremely unclear as to if these were our kids or not. I think the most difficult and most challenging part of adoption through the states is that we have all the power (in the first stage anyway). We decide who and what, and then once we decide, then DHS decides. In these re-homing situations, DHS wasn't in the picture so it really was mostly up to us. How do you say no to a child that is "waiting out" the biggest transition of their life? I just THANK GOD for my husband, and the clear direction that God will give him in these painful times. Without him I would be a huge mess. All in all, we chose to pass on these 2 situations, and pray for clear direction.
The last challenging situation is one that was a little different. There were a set of 3 little boys from Ohio that I found on one of the adoption websites. I found them last December 1st, and while reading their profile, I realized that the social worker in charge of these kids was asking that all home studies be submitted to Ohio by December 4th. I immediately had Jeremiah look at the site with me, and although I was already sold on the idea, he was taking WAY TOO LONG to decide! :) Because we only had 3 days to get our paperwork in, I basically talked him into at least letting us submit our home study and see what happens. He agreed so we called Deaconess and they got all the paperwork sent and was told that we would hear something in a week or so. Well…….. a month later, and one small little email later, we find out that they are still reviewing home studies and now with the holidays its going to be January until we hear something. Well, I continued to send emails asking for updates, and would never get a response (from Ohio). The social worker called me once to ask a few questions, and I was THRILLED to hear from her since I probably called 8 times and sent 10 emails with ZERO response. She basically gave me little to NO time to answer any of her questions and quickly rushed me off the phone telling me that it is still going to be a ways before they know anything. I did however find out that there were about 10 other families also waiting for these boys, so at least we knew they were going to be going to a loving home.
On my birthday, Feb 11, I got a call from Deaconess saying that the folks from Ohio did not choose us, we were in the top 3, but they decided to go with an older couple in their 50's who had more experience with children that have come from hard places and felt they would be a better fit.
It was a bitter sweet day. I did cry, but not necessarily because we didn't get those boys, but because the inevitable emotional roller coaster. During the waiting time it is seemingly impossible not to picture life with these prospective kiddos. Situations like these are incredible reminders that although we may think we have the control, we really have NO control. God will create our family, not us.
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Fast forward to a month ago.
We were invited to what they call an "Adoption Party". These parties should be quickly reevaluated. If we had them in any other county I am quite confident that they wouldn't be legal.
We sat and perused with wide eyes as we gathered with other hopeful parents through an event where over 100 children were essentially dropped off to mingle with all of us "hopefuls". They gave us a book when we arrived to let us know who would be there with a short bio telling us little tidbits of their personalty traits, etc. I quickly noticed that in the very back of the book was a group of brothers who I was familiar with. One of my great friends, McKayla, had sent me a link to a story that the Oklahoma News did on these brothers in pursuit of finding them a forever home.
We basically got to spend about an hour with these amazing brothers and at the end of the event chose to write their names down on the Waiting Child Interest Sheet that was provided to us. We were told they would contact our worker at Deaconess and we would hear something soon. Well soon NEVER feels like soon. Its one of those horribly inconspicuous words they use which basically tells you zip.
The good news is that the DHS worker has had conversations with the boys letting them know that we would love to adopt them, however, we were just told that a "distant relative" who lives out of state has just stepped forward and would like to adopt the boys. This isn't the end for us, however it is certainly a bump in the road. It is also unfortunately going to hold things up for a bit. In the DHS system blood relatives are always going to be chosen first (as long as it's a "healthy" environment). If DHS decides that the relative won't be the best fit, I believe we will then be able to move forward with the boys (which I don't know what that exactly means, except we will progress to the "next step").
Prayer Request….Of course I need to ask for prayer for a couple of reasons…. 1. We desperately don't know what we are doing. 2. God definitely knows what He is doing.
Thanks for taking the time to read this… I know it was terribly long, which wasn't the plan, but I am so blessed when people ask how we are doing with this journey and thought this would be the best way to give an update :))))
Love you all.
Sarah
So I thought I would keep this short and sweet mainly because I only had a few minutes to tell everyone our news!
