don't really have a title.

It's crazy how when we have something so great to look forward to how our past can so slightly creep in our minds making us so much more aware of the mistakes we have made in our previous lives, and for better or for worse, it ultimately make us into the people we have become today.

Before I met my darling Jeremiah I had a very interesting dating life. I dated people for at least a couple years and then would move on to the next. I did this since I was about 16. I don't ever remember being single. Just jumping from one relationship to the next. I made so SO many mistakes and wish I could do it all SO differently. I am now thinking about what it is going to be like to raise my own children and how my very colorful past will reflect in my future parenting. Sin is such an interesting thing. As I grow and mature its crazy how I can see things SO MUCH more clearly. The bibles "rules" and guidelines  aren't there to control our behaviors for the sake of control, they are there so we will be protected from the memories and consequences we can face in our future. Who wouldn't love to talk to your 16 year old self and let them in on a few secrets? I surely would.

As I have spent time filling out the DHS paperwork to one day turn into the DHS office (It is taking me forever!!!)  The questions they ask unapologetically prompts us to have to visit our past and although my past isn't as colorful as some, it has made me feel a little inadequate.  The weird thing is, the questions aren't even that probing, it's just the process that makes you think about all your insecurities. (side note, I pulled my name up on Oklahoma's court background check site and I am CLEAN!! not one ticket even popped up...whew! Now Jeremiah's??? well he had a couple of little things on there. we just won't talk about that right now :) lol).

I don't even know if this post is making any sense, but the bottom line is that wherever this process takes us I know it's going to be challenging but at the end of the day, miraculous.

Paperwork is almost done, just waiting on J to have a few minutes and sign his name in a few places (boy, he sure has it rough) and we will be good to go. Next steps after this is a home inspection, then some classes (a lot of classes actually), then the home study and then… well so many more things, but the amazing thing is that God already knows who our children are and the time that it takes to get to the last step is all in His hands. What a sigh of relief.


G'night all. I think I just need some rest tonight :)

-S

What a day.

So today started really well! (Ended weird), but started good.

I woke up before my alarm (that NEVER happens), and then headed to bible study. One of my most FAVORITE bible teacher ever, and good friend was sharing on her latest mission month in China. Her time sharing was an incredible ending to the Gideon study we had been in during the last several weeks. We learned that in our weaknesses God has the chance to show HIS strength.  It has been such a great study and you would think after a morning with GREAT wisdom I would have been pumped for the rest of the day but that was really not the case.

I left bible study feeling great (who would't),  and then called J on my way to the house to see if he wanted me to pick him up or not so we could head to our meeting with DHS. Soon after I hung up the phone I started feeling SUPER stressed and full of anxiety. It literally hit me like a ton of bricks.  It was so  strange. I couldn't really even wrap my mind around why I was feeling so anxious, after all, I was really excited to gather more information on a process that still felt so unknown (and frankly still does).
So I did what any good christian wife would do in that situation........ I started a fight with my husband. What about you might ask? I HAVE NO IDEA. I don't even remember now (It was that important).

ANYWAY, we get there. I have tears in my eyes? WHY? still not really sure? As I started to touch up my makeup so I wouldn't look like a psycho, we walked inside and waited for our guy to come and greet us. I started to feel normal again. Why? I still don't know. Think I am weird? Thats ok, My husband would totally agree.

Well.... we sit down and he literally gives me NO time for small talk. I at least wanted to talk about the weather or the Sooners/Orange Pride or SOMETHING so he could see how awesome we were but we were going to go straight into it. Somehow I suppose I was feeling like maybe motherhood would be directly related to witty chit-chat...umm, yeah.

OHHHH!!! let me just tell you what Jeremiah decided to wear! THE MOST WRINKLY PANTS YOU HAVE EVER SEEN. He didn't even bother to shave (for the last 2 weeks) and a Hoodie. (Rolling my eyes as we speak).  Did I mention my husband also has DREADLOCKS. He screamed responsibility.

Ok, back to the meeting. So he started asking us who/what we were willing to adopt. It felt VERY VERY strange. We kinda just stumbled over our answers. We both weren't even answering the same, (way to show unity to the stranger) until Jeremiah spoke up with a very boisterous "We really are open".  lol.

The guy went over a ton of details and he answered every one of my 2 pages of questions that I had prepared prior. He was really great and handled me like a pro (I can be a little extreme when it comes to gathering info).  He handed me the famous manilla envelope with a tall stack of questions about every aspect of our current/past life inside.  We have 20 days to return the envelope (filled out of course) or our file will be returned.

the stack.

20 days seems fair although Jeremiah seems to think I can do it in a couple days. what? At one point I ACCIDENTALLY said WE when speaking about the packet and then I QUICKLY returned with. "I will do my best".

Driving back to the coffeehouse I started feeling super weird again. I had to handle a Bank Error over the phone and started crying. oh my.  Let me just end with this... I AM NOT A CRYER SO THIS WAS SUCH A WEIRD DAY.

Now I am home, left the coffeehouse early and came home and hung out with my husband. If I had to sum up the day I would call it successful, just be thankful you didn't have to hang out with me today :)

Tomorrow is a new day. Right?

Love you all.

-S

Guess who called?

DHS CALLED ME BACK!! WOHOOO!!!

So today on my way into work I got a call from a blocked number. I truly contemplated if I should even answer since it was surely someone that I probably wouldn't necessarily want to hear from...  (telemarketer, etc).  But I did, and I am so glad that I did :)

It was DHS and we set up an appointment for Wednesday morning. I called their office (and left a message) late last week so I was quite curious why I hadn't received a phone call back. I remember at the conference I went to (the one that I went to w/out my husband, uh-huh) made reference to the fact that the Department isn't avoiding our phone calls on purpose as they generally just have more pressing issues to take care of. I easily understood and was going to wait a few more days before I bothered them again, but I didn't need to as today was our lucky day!

So how am I feeling?
Well I told Jeremiah as soon as I saw him that they called us to schedule an appointment and his answer was as nonchalant as if I asked him to take out the trash; "oh, ok, cool" (not that he would respond to taking out the trash that way, but you know what I mean).  Am I feeling so calm? Well I suppose I am, I am very excited though. I want to learn more about this process. It seems there are so many opinions about this journey, I am most desperate to just hear the facts straight from the source. EVERYONE seems to have a friend who has adopted through the state and they all seem to know how it's done, except it seems as though each story is slightly different... hmm...


I will let you all know how Wednesday goes. Really wish tomorrow was Wednesday but I suppose I can wait another day :)

G'night all.
Sarah

P.S. I caught Jeremiah reading a book about adoption the other night, it warmed my heart :) So thankful God has called us both to this exciting journey.