It's crazy how when we have something so great to look forward to how our past can so slightly creep in our minds making us so much more aware of the mistakes we have made in our previous lives, and for better or for worse, it ultimately make us into the people we have become today.
Before I met my darling Jeremiah I had a very interesting dating life. I dated people for at least a couple years and then would move on to the next. I did this since I was about 16. I don't ever remember being single. Just jumping from one relationship to the next. I made so SO many mistakes and wish I could do it all SO differently. I am now thinking about what it is going to be like to raise my own children and how my very colorful past will reflect in my future parenting. Sin is such an interesting thing. As I grow and mature its crazy how I can see things SO MUCH more clearly. The bibles "rules" and guidelines aren't there to control our behaviors for the sake of control, they are there so we will be protected from the memories and consequences we can face in our future. Who wouldn't love to talk to your 16 year old self and let them in on a few secrets? I surely would.
As I have spent time filling out the DHS paperwork to one day turn into the DHS office (It is taking me forever!!!) The questions they ask unapologetically prompts us to have to visit our past and although my past isn't as colorful as some, it has made me feel a little inadequate. The weird thing is, the questions aren't even that probing, it's just the process that makes you think about all your insecurities. (side note, I pulled my name up on Oklahoma's court background check site and I am CLEAN!! not one ticket even popped up...whew! Now Jeremiah's??? well he had a couple of little things on there. we just won't talk about that right now :) lol).
I don't even know if this post is making any sense, but the bottom line is that wherever this process takes us I know it's going to be challenging but at the end of the day, miraculous.
Paperwork is almost done, just waiting on J to have a few minutes and sign his name in a few places (boy, he sure has it rough) and we will be good to go. Next steps after this is a home inspection, then some classes (a lot of classes actually), then the home study and then… well so many more things, but the amazing thing is that God already knows who our children are and the time that it takes to get to the last step is all in His hands. What a sigh of relief.
G'night all. I think I just need some rest tonight :)
-S
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